


No one said it would be easy

by CAClassBeatsTXTrash, Gwenfanatic



Series: Never Easy [2]
Category: Shefani
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-13 11:59:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CAClassBeatsTXTrash/pseuds/CAClassBeatsTXTrash, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwenfanatic/pseuds/Gwenfanatic
Summary: This is nine weeks after You Saved Us... Gwen is 30 weeks pregnant





	1. Bedrest

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys we needed to make a time jump. Hope you won’t be to mad and this makes up for it! It’s not over!

Gwen feels like she is going to lose her mind! Here it is yet another Monday and she is still sitting here. She has been on bed rest now for nine weeks and they want her to hold on till her due date. She is literally going to lose her mind with another 10 weeks to go until her due date. She knows this is what's best for her baby. The scare nine weeks ago was enough to keep her in bed now but that didn't mean she liked it or was happy about it. She was allowed to walk from her bed to the couch and to the bathroom. Blake made her move down to the couch before he left to go to set, telling her he did not want her going up and down the stair without him with her. Gwen knew he was right but that didn't make her any less frustrated about it. Mark Burnett had been great about the whole situation and hired her an assistant. So each week she would pick out the 3 outfit options for the four judges along with all the accessories and send them to her assistant. Her assistant would then in turn show the judges and coordinate with Gwen that all the accessories were as she wanted them before getting the outfits to the judges. It had been great for Gwen to actually have something to do while she was cooped up in to house. When Blake comes home he joins her on the couch or in bed, where ever she decided to be before he left. She gets excited every time she hears the gate beep meaning its opening, like she just heard. 

"Hey sunshine! How are my two favorite people this afternoon?" Blake says as he walks into the living room planting a kiss on her lips 

"We are ok." Gwen says trying to put a smile on for him

"Gwen what's really going on? You know I can see through the fake smile right?" Blake says as the smile fades from her face

"It's just. I feel trapped. I feel like I'm not doing anything. Your cooking, you have a maid doing the cleaning, your going to work, and then there is me sitting on the couch or in bed all day everyday. I feel useless." She says as her eyes fill

"Sunshine you are not useless. You pick out all of the judges outfits for the shows still. So you make not physically go to work but you are still working. And honestly your doing this biggest job of all, your growing our son."

"I know it's a big job it just doesn't feel like it right now, but hearing you say our son and knowing that it isn't just us saying that but that your name will be the one on his birth certificate makes me so happy."

"Yeah that day was huge for us. Sometimes I still feel like it was a dream. To know his rights were terminated and he is sitting in a jail cell for the next year and a half is pretty amazing." 

"That was the third best day of my life."

"The third?"

"Yep the first being the day I found out I was having our peanut. The second being the day I met you. And the third being the day we found out that you are legally gonna be his father."  
..........................................................................  
Since the whole bed rest thing people have been taking turns to come visit her so she isn't bored ALL the time. Today her mom was coming to visit, so when she heard the gate make that familiar beep she began to let herself get excited. She felt like a kid waiting to open Christmas presents Santa had left. She giggled at her self for being so excited to have someone to talk to her and entertain her.

“Hello sweetheart.” Pattie says popping her head around the corner to see if Gwen was in there or in bed

“Hi mom! Come on in!” Gwen says with a huge smile on her face

“How are you doing sweetheart? Holding up ok?”

“I’m doing good. Going crazy but good.”

“Yeah you have never been one to sit around doing nothing. 9 weeks left right?”

“No I haven’t and I remember why now. Can’t I hate doing nothing! Yeah 9 more weeks of doing nothing.” Gwen says chuckling “Mom can I talk to you about something?”

“Absolutely sweetheart you know you can talk to me about anything.”

“It’s just, I’ve been thinking lately and I don’t know what to do about the wedding. Remember when Blake and I called you from Oklahoma and told you about us getting engaged and how excited Blake was to be able to give all of us what we had always thought my life would be.”

“Yeah it was very sweet of him. Wanting to show Kingston that he loved you melted my heart.”

“It’s just now I’m on bed rest and I don’t see how we can possible make that happen before King comes.”

“Yeah I don’t see how we would be able to make that work. Let me ask you this. Is it that important for you two to have the piece of paper when King gets here? Nothing between the two of you is going to change. You are still gonna love Blake and he is still going to love you. Your still both gonna be there together when he is born. Blake’s name is still going to be on his birth certificate.”

“I didn’t really think about it that way. You and dad always made being married such an important part of the path, but your right we don’t need the paper for King to know we loved him and each other when he was born. I’m just worried Blake won’t see it that way. He really wanted us married before hand.”

“Well with the cards life has delt you I don’t think that’s going to happen. Blake loves you and King, I think he would understand and agree that the health of you and King comes first.”

“Yeah I just don’t want to disappoint him.”

“Gwen sweetheart trust me when I say this isn’t your fault and there is no way you will disappoint him. He worships you and you didn’t plan on needing to be on bed rest. You can’t blame yourself. Blake will understand and if I had to guess he has already thought about this and come to the same conclusion. You guys can get married after King is born.”

“You say this isn’t my fault and I know that. So why do I still feel like I screwed up?”

“Baby cause your human and you have always been one to strive for perfection. But you have to realize that nothing is perfect. No situation will ever be perfect. Life is about making adjustments and over coming the obstacles. This is just another one of your obstacles, that by the way you are going to overcome.” 

“Thanks mom. I really needed that!” Gwen says shrinking into her moms chest just like she did when she was little

It’s these fleeting moments that Pattie is reminded that even when your kids grow up you never stop being their mom and they never stop needing you. Gwen and Pattie enjoy the afternoon sitting and talking about all the little tips Pattie learned over the years about taking care of babies. Gwen couldn’t appreciate that anymore, because even though this is something she has always wanted she would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous. Before the two women knew it they heard to beep of the gate opening letting them know Blake was home. Knowing the couple needed to talk Pattie gathers her things and says her goodbyes. 

“Hey sunshine. How’s my boy today?” He says bending down and planting a kiss on her lips 

“He is good today. A little quiet, until he heard you that is.” 

This brings a huge smile to Blake’s face. He lifts her legs and sits down placing her legs on his lap. 

“Hey there little man. Daddy missed you and mommy today.”

“Clearly he missed you too.” Gwen said grabbing Blake’s hand and putting it on her stomach where King was repeatedly kicking.

“Man I’ll never get used to that. It’s just crazy that he reacts like that to the sound of my voice.”

“It shouldn’t be a shock Blake. Your his daddy. He loves you.”

“I know I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around that after convincing myself that kids weren’t apart of Gods plan for me.” 

“We never know Gods plan, we only think we do. Only he knows it.”

“Yeah I learned that the day you walked into my life. I love you Gwen.” 

“I love you to Blake and so does your son. He is definitely gonna be a daddies boy.”  
..........................................................  
Blake decided Gwen needed something to cheer her up. The bed rest was taking a toll on her and he hated seeing her upset. He thought a big dinner with everyone would do her a lot of good. He called and invited her whole family, as well as Adam, Carson, Pharrell, and their wives to come over the following week. He decided to have the dinner catered so it would be an easy night for everyone. Gwen had been so excited when he told her about it. 

“I have a surprise for you Gwen.”

“Another surprise. Blake you spoil me too much.”

“Since you deserve everything I have done for you it can’t be too much.”

Gwen was so excited she started bouncing on the couch.

“Oh my God Blake thank you. We can order takeout but from where?”

“I already have it covered I arranged for a caterer to do the whole thing including clean up.”

“Wow Blake that’s expensive just for a dinner.”

He just looked at her with that look.

“I know I promised to be ok with you spending money so I won’t say anything.”

“Good beside this way it will be stress free for everyone and we can just enjoy spending time with out loved ones.”

“I love you babe.”

“I love you too”

The next afternoon the caterer arrived to set everything up. Blake had gone all up he had ordered all of her favorite foods. Everyone arrived around 6:00 so there was time for them all to meet each other before it was time for dinner. 

“This food is amazing Gwen, who is your caterer?” Behati asked her 

“Blake found them; he put all of this together.”

“Adam could take some lessons from you Blake.”

Gwen smiled she was proud of her man, she knew what a catch he is, she is just glad others recognize it too.

After dinner everyone set around talking and eating some of the delicious mini desserts that were being served. Soon everyone started leaving one by one until Todd and Jen were the only ones left with them. Gwen took Jen upstairs to show her some of the new outfits she had ordered the baby. Blake told her once she was up there she wasn’t allowed back down tonight unless he carried her. She just laughed and walked up the stairs with her sister in law.

“Blake my man this is the happiest I have seen her ever. Thank you for taking such great care of her.”

“Her and that baby are my world Todd, I can’t imagine my life without either of them.” 

Just then Jen called out at the top of her lungs clearly terrified 

“BLAKE TODD COME QUICK”

They take the stairs two at a time running as fast as they can. They reach the door to the nursery and stop at the paniced look on Gwen’s face.

Blake slow walks to and asks in a frightened voice “Gwen what’s wrong?”

She looks up at him and says through her tears “my water just broke.


	2. Kingston

She looks up at him and says through her tears "my water just broke."

Blake doesn't move or make a sound for a split second but seeing the terrified look on her face snaps him out of it. He slowly walks over to her not wanting to scare her. Once again he has to put his own fears and emotions aside to take care of her and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"Are you sure sunshine?" 

"It felt like I peed my pants, but Blake I didn't. It's to soon Blake. He isn't ready!" She says tears flowing like rivers down her cheeks 

Blake is standing in front of her at this point. He places his hands on her cheeks. 

"He is gonna be ok Gwen. We are gonna go to the hospital and he is gonna be ok." He tells her before pulling her into his chest

Blake takes her to their bedroom to get clean cloths on before carrying her out to the car. Blake asks Jen to pack Gwen a bag and to meet them at the hospital. The whole ride to the hospital Gwen has a death grip on Blake's hand and Blake hears the sniffles. 

"Sunshine we are gonna be ok. He is gonna be ok."

It's not until they pull into the parking lot that she feels the first contraction. She leans forward trying to alleviate some of the pain. 

"Sunshine breath. Here squeeze my hand." Blake says offering his hand to her.

She quickly takes his hand, squeezing it trying to cope with the pain. Once the contraction lets up Blake moves around to her side of the car picking her up and carrying her inside.   
                                                                             ...........................................  
Once inside he informs the receptionist of the situation and it's just as a second contraction hits that a nurse comes out to get them. Gwen squeezes Blake's hand again as they wait for it to pass. Blake carries Gwen following the nurse to a room. Blake lays Gwen on the bed and the doctor is immediately in their room. 

"So your 32 weeks correct?" Dr Simmons asks

"Yeah" Gwen meekly answers 

"And you have been on bedrest for the last 11 weeks?"

"Yeah"

"Ok so at this point I think it's time to admit you to the labor and delivery unit. We will go ahead and give you some steroids to help the babies lungs. The baby is gonna pretty small so I don't expect you to labor for very long. Let's go ahead and get you up there and then we will go over what to expect after delivery. Any questions?"Dr. Simmons informs

"Can't you just give me more medicine to stop my labor? He is to young. It's too early." Gwen's voice breaks at the end 

"I know this is scary and yes he is early, but those meds aren't an option anymore. Your water broke so every minute you sit there with it broken the risk of either you or the baby developing an infection increases. We have had babies significantly younger born and survive. Your baby made it to 32 weeks, while not what we were aiming for, it's a milestone. At 32 week the survival rate is in the upper 90s." 

"Ok thank you." Blake responds as Gwen has her head buried in his chest

The doctor leaves and Blake knows he has to get Gwen to calm down. This is happening now regardless of what they want. 

"Sunshine." He says her name but she doesn't leave her spot. "Gwen look at me." He try's being more direct.

Gwen slowly pulls away just enough to look at him. 

"I know your scared but we need to get ready for this. He is coming and no matter how scared we are we have to do everything we can for him, to make this as easy on him as possible. We are in this together. Your about to be a mom and I'm about to be a dad. We can do this sunshine, ok." Gwen nods she still looks scared but she looks determined now as well. 

The nurse comes in to move them upstairs. Gwen has another contraction on the way up, which Blake makes the nurse stop so he can help Gwen through it. She makes Blake hold her hand the whole way. When they get into the room Gwen has another contraction. They are about five minutes apart now. The nurse gets her settled in bed and checks to see how dilated she is. The couple can see her face fall as she realizes how far dilated she is. 

"Well it doesn't look like this little one wants to stay in anymore. Your fully dilated. I am going to call the doctors."

It doesn't take more than five minuets for the room to fill with doctors. One sits in between Gwen's legs while others gather around the warmer that they will put King on. 

"Mom and dad I know we didn't get to talk about what to expect so I'm gonna give you the crash course version. When the baby is born we are gonna give you the chance to see him but he will go over to the warm pretty fast. We need to make sure he is breathing ok and that there is nothing that we need to do to help him out. He will probably head to the NICU once they get him stable. I know you have a million questions for me and once he is out and on his way to the NICU I'll be more than happy to answer them, but right now let's have a baby!"

Blake could tell Gwen was terrified. She cried through most of the pushing with Blake supporting her head and holding her hand. Once he was out the doctor held him up for them to see him before he was whisked away over to the warmer. They hadn't heard him cry and they were both terrified that his lung just weren't mature enough. Some of their fears were put to rest as they finally heard a tiny cry that sounded more like a cat than a baby. 

"He is breathing sunshine! You did so amazing! We have a son!" 

"Is he ok?" Gwen asks to the room of doctors 

"I'm your sons doctor. He is doing well for a 32 weeker. He is only requiring a little bit of oxygen through his nose, which is very good for his age. He is having a hard time with his body temperature up, which is to be expected. We are going to take him to the NICU now and once you get the ok from your doctor you can come over and see him and we can talk a little more about how he is doing and what to expect." With that the doctor turns and wheels Kingston out of the room. 

Even Blake breaks down at this point. He bends down to hold Gwen, as much for himself as for her. He needs to feel her, hold her close to remind himself they are in this together and everything will be ok.  It has to be ok.  
...................................................  
It has been three hours since Gwen had brought her son into this world and she has seen him a total of three seconds. She is starting to get anxious as any mother would be being separated form their newborn. 

"Sunshine you need to calm down. We will go see him soon. The nurse said two hours about an hour ago."

"I'm not waiting another hour I'm going to see my son." She says pushing the call bell

"Can I help you?" The voice asks through the speaker system

"Yes can you ask the nurse to come in please." Gwen responds 

About five minutes later, upon the voice's promise, Gwen's nurse comes in. 

"What can I do for you Miss Stefani?"

"I want to go see my baby."

"Miss Stefani you have another hour before I can take you over there." 

Gwen breaks down at the nurses words. She just wants to see her son, he needs her, why don't they get that. Blake hates to see Gwen cry and to be honest he wants to go see him as well. He moves and sits on the bed with Gwen who buries her face in his chest. 

"Look is there anyway to contact the doctor and get her the permission to go now? I really don't think having her this upset and worked up is good for her either."

"I'll go make a phone call."

"Thanks we really appreciate it!"  
                                                            ........................................................  
Twenty minutes later Blake is walking next to Gwen who is being pushed in a wheelchair, on their way to the NICU to see their son. They go through the process of scrubbing their hands and arms so they don't bring in germs that could make the baby sick. When Gwen's eye fall on Kingston the tears start all over again. He is so small and tiny. He looks so good though, both Gwen and Blake had prepared themselves for a lot of tubes and that wasn't the case. 

When the nurse came over to meet them Gwen didn't even introduce herself before she started asking questions.

"How is he?" Gwen asks not even looking up from her son.

"He is doing really really well. He is having a hard time maintaining his body temperature which is why he is in the incubator. However he is doing great with his breathing and is only requiring a little oxygen. He has a tube in his nose so we can give him food but over all he is one of the healthiest 32 weekers that I have dealt with."

"Can we touch him?" Gwen asks

"Absolutely just open the hole here and you can touch him. When your done just make sure to close it to keep him warm." 

Cautiously Gwen opens the hole and touch her tiny baby. When Gwen's hand makes contact with him, his heartbeat slows and becomes more regular. Gwen withdrawals her hand thinking something is wrong hearing the change in the machines beeping. 

"Hey it's ok. He is ok. His heart rate slowed but that's a good thing he is more relaxed. Touch him again." The nurse says

Sure enough his heart rate slows again when Gwen takes his tiny hand. Tears are now falling for a happy reason. He knows her and knows that she is his mother. Blake wipes a tear from her face. 

"See sunshine I told you he was gonna be ok." Blake tells her

"He is so perfect." She says watching King but pulling Blake's arm around her

She had never felt so complete in life. She has the partner and baby that she has always dreamed about. The fact that there is no biological connection between Blake and their son made no difference, like she feared it would. When Gwen pulled her hand out and Blake put his in there the same thing happened. He heart rate calmed. It was now Blake's turn to shed tears. He knew he loved King and that King would grow up to love him as a father. However he feared things like his touch wouldn't have the same effect on him as it would if King was his biological son. They move the chair closer to the incubator and Blake sits moving Gwen into his lap where they could sit with their son for a while. 

"He is so perfect Blake."

"He absolutely is. We are very lucky."

"I was so scared before now but seeing him so perfect just tiny makes me feel like things aren't gonna be so bad. I mean I know that we are going to have ups and downs but I think the three of us can get through them together"

"Absolutely sunshine. As a family we can concur anything life throws our way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We really want to know your thoughts? Do you like it or should we leave this and start a new one?


	3. Kangaroo

King had been born a week ago. Gwen went home two days after he was born and it had been really hard on her to leave the hospital without her baby.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Gwen he is gonna be ok. We will go see him again in a few hours. I know this isn't how we wanted it to be, but it's the cards we have been delt."

Gwen ignores Blake looking out the window. All she can think is how she failed her son and Blake. She couldn't carry him to term and now look at what's going on,  she had to leave the hospital without her baby. When they get home all she wants to do is shower and take a nap in bed, and that's what she does. For the bigger part of the afternoon she completely ignores the rest of the world including Blake. She doesn't even acknowledge that she hears him until he mentions going back to the hospital. 

"Yes please I want to go be with King." 

"Well lets go sunshine." He opens his arms to her and instead of walking into them she avoids them 

Blake couldn't ignore the feelings of hurt and anger toward the way Gwen was treating him, but he just attributed it to the stress of leaving the hospital without their son and hoped that it would pass.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hi mom and dad. He is doing really great." The nurse says following Gwen and Blake into King's room

"Is he good enough to hold today? I really just want to hold him." Gwen asks barely acknowledging the nurse instead staring at King

"Actually yeah he is. We want to have you hold him today and maybe even try to breastfeed him. That's the next step for him since he is regulating his temperature better."

"Really we can hold him?" Blake asks feeling himself getting excited for the chance to hold his son. 

"Yeah Kingston is doing great. We need to get him to start eating by mouth. He needs to be able to take a whole feeding by mouth and show that he can gain weight while eating on his own before we can think about him going home."

"So how long does that typically take? I really want him to come home. Leaving is really hard." Gwen stays holding King's hand between her fingers 

"I know it's not easy for any of the parents. Its hard to say but I would guess around three weeks probably. That's just a guess though it could be more could be slightly less." 

Blake sees the tear creep down her cheeks. He knows she was hoping for more like a few days not weeks. 

"Sunshine its hard I know I want to take him home too, but we will get there soon. Three weeks will fly by." He reaches out to pull her into him but she flinches before allowing him to hold her

Again Blake could tell something was going on but he didn't want to push her. She was dealing with a lot. He was to but he knew he had to be strong for her, so that's what he vowed to do. 

"Ok mom are you ready hold him?" The nurse asks

"Yes!" Gwen responds and it's the first time her eyes have lit up since they left the hospital and Blake held onto that 

The nurse explained kangaroo care to the parents. Telling them that by holding the baby skin to skin it allowed there bodies to help him regulate his temperature. They had Gwen take her shirt off and put a gown on with the opening in the front. She sat down in the rocking chair and the nurse took King from the incubator placing him on Gwen's chest with his skin to hers. The nurse then pull the gown together and placed a blanket on the King's back. Blake sat on a stool beside them looking at his fiancé holding their son and was completely overwhelmed at the beautiful sight. Tears slip down his face without him realizing until he felt her wipe them away. He looks up at her and she leans forward placing a kiss one his lips. It's not rushed nor is it long, it's just enough to fully covey love and devotion. Little does Blake know how much he will need to remember moments like this. They sit there Gwen holding King with their heads leaned together for what felt like minutes but when the nurse comes in to see if Gwen is up to trying to feed King, they realize it had been close to two hours. Gwen's mind is blown at how perfect this is and how she could literally sit and watch him for hours. 

"Yes I'm ready to feed him. I have to admit I have no idea what I'm doing."

"And that's perfectly fine. We have a specialist here that's coming in to help. She helps with all our NICU babies because feeding these babies is a lot different than feeding a healthy full term baby." 

"Ok thank you"   
.............................................................  
After working with the lactation specialist and only get a few good sucks from him, Gwen doesn't feel very hopeful about it. 

"Maybe he needs a bottle. Like maybe that would be easier for him."

"Miss Stefani he did great for the first try! Some babies his age don't even latch good at all. We have a few good latches. I'm really pleased with how that went."

"Ok I just don't want to delay him going in anyway." 

"And I completely understand that, but you have to remember he should still be cooking so he isn't supposed to know how to do this or have to energy on his own to do this. It takes a lot out of these guys to eat. Every day he will get better and better until he is taking full meals on his own." 

Gwen thanks they lady again and they are left once again just the three of them with King on Gwen's chest. The nurse comes in to check on them since the specialist had left.

"Dad did you want a turn holding him?"

"Yes please!"

The nerves that explode inside of Gwen are unexpected. Suddenly she feels herself not wanting Blake to hold him, however she allows the nurse to take him from her and switches places with Blake. Blake holds him the same way skin to skin with a gown and blanket. Seeing the love radiating from Blake makes Gwen want to kick herself for not wanting him to hold their son. She still feels like she needs to watch him to make sure everything is ok. Blake is just so big and seeing such a tiny little baby on his chest makes Gwen nervous.

"He is so little and so perfect sunshine! You did amazing!" His statement makes Gwen tear up and because she didn't it's her fault they are here and not at home still pregnant. 

Blake mistakes her sad tears for happy ones. He holds his arm out to her and the need to feel close to her son and the need to feel normal and close to Blake win over. She snuggles into Blake's side placing her hand on King's back.   
.......................................  
Blake had held out hope when Gwen had cuddled with he and King that the distant he felt at home was just a mood. His hopes were dashed as they left the hospital for the night. Once in the car Blake could almost feel Gwen close off as she turned toward the window. By her breathing he could tell she was crying. Normally she clung to him and used his support when she was upset but not this time. Blake could feel her pushing him away and he didn't know why. It really scared him. They had built their relationship on helping and being there for one another, if they didn't have that what would they be left with?

"Sunshine what do you want for dinner? Do you want to pick something up or do you want to cook something together when we get home?"

"Let's just pick something up. It's easier that way."

"What do you want?"

"Can we just pick something up from Langers Deli. I still need to watch what I'm eating since I'm feeding the baby now and pumping." 

"We can do that." 

They made it to the deli, got their food, and made it home with very little talking. Blake was really starting to worry about her and what was going on. Once the got home they sat down at the table to eat. Normally they are talking all through out dinner but so far she has remained pretty quiet. 

"Sunshine is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything's ok, why?"

"Your really quiet and that's not like you. I just wanted to make sure your ok."

"Yeah I'm ok Blake. I'm just really worried about the baby. It's hard leaving him."

"Yeah I will agree with you there. I just wish we could bring him home." 

Gwen finished eating her salad and moved to clear her plate. 

"I'm gonna get a shower Blake." 

Blake looked at his plate and he was clearly not finished. He didn't want to push her or put to much pressure on her so he just said ok and she went off to get her shower. He finished eating his dinner and sent a text off to his mom letting her know King was doing really well. She must have had mothers intuition cause he gets a text back that asks

"I'm glad he is doing well but what's wrong?" 

He wants to take the opportunity to talk to her about everything with Gwen but he doesn't want to do that over the phone. He wants to give Gwen time to adjust and cope. She will come back to him. She has to. She just has to, he needs her to much. When they finally get into bed Gwen lays on her pillow at first. Blake knows right now she needs encouragement so risking being pushed away he reaches over to her and pulls her to him. He releases a breath when she doesn't flinch or pull away but settles into her normal place. Gwen doesn't understand why but she just doesn't feel like herself. She attributes it to have a baby and changing because she is a mom now but is she fooling herself. She is to tired to think into it to much. She lets herself fall asleep.   
................................................................  
Gwen wakes and sees that it is five in the morning. She closes her eyes and wills sleep to take back over but she knows it's a lost cause. She wants to be at the hospital as early as possible but she knows Blake needs sleep. As awkward as she feels with him right now, she still loves Blake and she doesn't want to give him up or lose him. She just can't make sense of what's going on in her head. She decides it's better to go ahead, get up, and get ready since Blake takes barely any time to get ready . She eases out of his grasp and smiles when she sees the frown on his face. She showers and does her hair and her making up before heading downstairs to start a pot of coffee. She drinks a whole cup before refilling hers and filling a cup for Blake. She places the cups on the bedside table and sits on the bed next to him. She runs her fingers through his beard until his eyes flutter open. 

"Hey babe. It's time to get up and go to the hospital."

"What time is it?" 

"It's six."

"What the heck sunshine? What are you even doing up? And your already ready to go."

"Well I'm sorry for wanting to go up to the hospital to see our son. I'll be downstairs Blake."

As Gwen storms out Blake let's his head fall back to the pillow with a huff. That's not how he wanted to start this day. He was hoping for the normal Gwen not this distant Gwen. He doesn't want to cause anymore issues so he gets up and gets dressed. He takes a long sip of his coffee and takes a deep breath before heading into what has become a war zone.


	4. Getting stronger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the long wait this last week has really tough for me personally and I’m just getting things back on track. Please don’t be mad. I’ll post again soon. I’m almost done writing out this fic. I really like the direction of this fic!

Blake was making glances at Gwen on the way to the hospital. He was drained. His son was in the NICU, getting better but still there. His fiancé, he was guessing she wanted to marry him since she hadn't given the ring back, barely talks to him. She barely talked to anyone. At the beginning of her change in behavior she would flinch but she would still let him hold her. Now she actually pulls away from him when he tries to pull her to him. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to tell anyone and worry them. This is his family and he needs to figure out how to get them back on tract. Kingston was three weeks old today and Blake was very excited to see his son. Three weeks is a big milestone for these premies. He was actually taking about two thirds of his feedings by mouth and had gained three oz. It doesn't seem like a lot but when you only weigh 4 lbs an oz is a big deal. 

"Today is three weeks sunshine. Doesn't it seem like yesterday but yet forever ago at the same time?"

He gets no answer. 

"Are you going to even acknowledge me today?"

"Blake I'm stressed and tired ok? I really thought of all people you would understand that."

Blake doesn't want to fight. He misses his Gwen. The one he fell in love with because the woman sitting in the passenger seat is not that woman. He swallows his frustration, anger, sadness, and pain. He knows his Gwen is in there and all he can do is hope she will find her way back to him. When they get to the hospital they make their way to their son, doing the routine hand washing and all before heading in to him. When they get in there they see the incubator is completely gone and the oxygen that was in his nose last night is gone. Gwen loses it running over to him picking him up and cradling him close for warmth. 

"Mom dad do you like your surprise?" The nurse says walking into the room

"Where is his bed and oxygen?" Gwen asks panicked

"Hey everything is ok. It's a good thing these things are gone! Doctors rounded this morning and agreed that he didn't need them anymore!"

"Really his doing that well?!" Blake asks 

"Yeah he is. And if he continues on this path your looking at going home in two days!"

"We get to take him home? He is well enough?" Blake asks truly amazed that his family is all going to be together at home soon

"Yep all the doctor wants to see is for him to gain 3 more ounces and then he can go home!"

"Sunshine did you hear that we can take him home soon!" 

"Little man how do you feel about coming home soon?" She asks Kingston totally ignoring Blake

The nurse notices but doesn't say anything. 

"Gwen I have to leave in about 20 minuets to go get my mom from the airport." He gets no response "Sunshine please at least acknowledge mine and my mother's existence while she is here. Neither you nor I need the drama that will come next if we look like we are as bad as this." He said before turning around and walking out. He needed a break for minute gto breathe before his mom gets here and he has to act like everything is perfectly ok. Gwen knows she is killing him but she doesn't know how to stop herself.   
                                                                            .............................................................  
"Baby boy!" Dot says walking up to Blake. 

He wraps his mom in one of his signature hugs and sighs. 

"Hey mom. I missed ya." 

"I missed you to baby boy. So, you want to tell me what's up before we head up and don't get a chance to talk?"

"No mom everything is fine I promise." 

"If you say so baby boy. Now take me to see my grandson!"   
                                                                             .....................................................  
Blake takes Dot up to the NICU and shows her the routine of washing their hands and arms. When they walk in Gwen is feeding him. Blake walks over to her slowly not wanting to set her off, but to his surprise she looks up to him motioning with her lips that she wanted a kiss. He bends down planting his lips on hers, never giving up a chance to kiss Gwen. Blake bends down farther planting a kiss on the back of their sons head. 

"Hi Dot. You can come in. You don't have to stay out there." Gwen says

"I just didn't want to come in with you feeding him."

"It's ok I don't mind. He is probably going to be done soon. He doesn't feed very long just often."  

Just as Gwen finishes her statement King lets go, telling Gwen he is finished for now. She covers herself back up before wrapping up his blanket around him.

"You can have the rocking chair he loves it." Gwen says knowing Dot is dying to hold him but frankly having hher stand and hold him scares Gwen.

Once Dot is sitting Gwen moves to place King in her arms making sure she has got him before pulling back. Her gaze doesn't leave her son as she moves to stand with Blake. At first it catches him off guard but he then cautiously wraps his arm around her. He wants to take a mental picture of this moment. His mom holding his son and his fiancée in his arms.   
                                                                          ...........................................................  
Gwen can't believe she finally gets to take King home. She finally gets to be there with him all the time like she is supposed to. Blake is latching the car seat into the base. Gwen is sitting in the back seat next to King. As they pull away Blake begins to worry and wants to make sure Gwen is prepared for what's waiting for them at the house. 

"Sunshine I just want to make sure you know what's waiting for us at home."

"You mean everyone being there?"

"Yeah like your whole family and my mom. How are you feeling about that?"

"Having So many people holding him makes me nervous." Gwen says barely audible to Blake

"Gwen sunshine, I know how scary it feels letting other people hold him. I feel like we almost lost him once and what if I can't protect him now and something happens?"

"It's scary."

"I know sunshine. How about we lean on each other when we get nervous or scared? Since we know what we are feeling."

"Yeah I'm gonna need help."

Blake is ecstatic. He finally sees a glimpse of the old Gwen. His Gwen. When they get home everyone is there just as Blake had said they would be. Gwen uses the hand sanitizer before unbuckling him and getting him out of his car seat. She carries him into the living room where everyone is. Blake stays close and when he sees her demeanor change he places a hand on her back or arm, wherever he can, to let her know he is there. As she hands him off to her mom he can see Gwen instructing her mom to make sure he is well supported. Her mom notices the nerves but instead of calling her out on it she goes along with her and ensures her she understands how to take care of him. With every person that holds him she makes them sit and shows them how to hold him. 

"He is a pretty cute nephew. You did good sis." Todd says

Gwen smiles back at him but there are two people in the room who can look at her smile and see just how fake it is.   
Gwen stays by Blake's side the whole time the family is there. Blake can only hope this is the turning point for them. When everyone but Blake's mom leaves Gwen takes a deep breath cuddling her son to her. It's crazy how one little tiny person can mean so much to you.   
                                                                     ......................................................................  
They had been home a few days when Blake gets the call from Brandon reminding him he had agreed to do a show this weekend. Brandon wanted to know if Blake still wanted to do it since King had only been home a few days. 

"Blake do you want to play or do you want me to cancel? I think they would understand if you want to cancel, you have a legit reason."

"I don't know man I really feel like I should cancel it."

"Cancel what?" Gwen asks walking into the kitchen where Blake was sitting 

"I had a show booked this weekend but Brandon is gonna cancel it for me."

"No Blake you can't cancel. Your fans would be so upset."

"My family is more important than fans sunshine." Blake answers pulling her into him which to his delight she allows

"I know but I don't want you giving career things up. I want you to go and do your show. You won't even be away from us for 24 hours and we promise to FaceTime. You can't drop everything for us."

"Yes I can sunshine and if I was ever given the choice between you and my career, you and our son would be my choice every time Gwen."

"We know but we want you to go. Nothing exciting is gonna happen in the 20 hrs you will be gone. This one is a short trip the next one might not be and then you will really want to cancel that one but you won't be able to because you canceled this one."

"You sure your gonna be ok with King by yourself?"

"I promise Blake."

"Ok Brandon, looks like I'm still doing it."

He finishes up his conversation with Brandon hanging up the phone. 

"How is my little man?"

"Good he ate and is sleeping now." Gwen says holding him with one arm and getting a coffee cup from the cabinet with the other.

"Hey do you want me to go get his bassinet so you can lay him down and you can actually drink your coffee?"

"NO!" Gwen almost yells. "I still feel weird with having him outside of me. I just want him close that's all."

"Ok that's fine sunshine I just wanted to offer."

This is another thing that gives Blake inclination that Gwen isn't better. Yeah she is talking to him again, but she still isn't very touchy feels with him like she used to be. The amount of fear she had with everyone holding him yesterday was a little more than normal. He just wishes he knew what as going on so he could help her and get his Gwen back.


	5. One step forward two steps back

Blake's eyes fluttered open and he realized the warmth for Gwen was missing. He rolled over to find her sitting on the edge of the bed watching King sleep. 

"Gwen what are you doing?"

"I'm just watching him sleep. I woke up because I thought I heard him but he is sound a sleep. I worry about him and the only time I don't worry or feel anxious is when I can see him. So I wanted to sit and watch him some."

"Well He is perfectly fine sunshine so why don't you come and lay down and get some more sleep. You need sleep sunshine."

"Ok" she relents to his relief

Gwen turns and climbs back into her spot on his chest. Blake is beyond relieved she isn't shying away as much right now. If he is being honest with himself he can't sleep anymore without her on his chest, so those nights she pulled away from him he didn't sleep at all. He pushes the thought from his mind and always the calming effect of having her close take effect.   
.............................................  
When Blake wakes up again Gwen isn't in bed and Kingston isn't in his bassinet either. Blake is really starting to worry about Gwen. He doesn't know if he should really leave her home alone with King over night like this. He leaves tomorrow morning and will be back between breakfast and lunch Sunday. He doesn't want to upset her and make he think he doesn't trust her because he has no doubt what so ever that she can take care of their son, but she is a little all over the map and it wouldn't be such a bad thing for her to have help. He gets up and heads down to the kitchen. There he finds his mom and Gwen. 

"I'm a lucky man." He says as he enters the kitchen. "My two favorite women and my son all in one room."

"Good morning son." 

"Morning mom." He says planting a kiss on his moms cheek. "Morning sunshine." He says planting a kiss on her temple. 

"Morning" she says smiling up at him from her seat at the bar

"Well I see y'all ate breakfast already." Blake says 

"Yeah sorry son, that's what happens when you sleep in." 

"Love you to mom." He says pretending to be hurt they didn't wait for him

"Blake I'm gonna take King up and give him a bath." Gwen says 

"You want help?" Blake asks not wanting her to feel like she has to do anything alone

"No cowboy eat and spend time with your mom before she goes home."

"Alright sunshine. Holler if you need me ok?"

"I will." She smiles walking out of the room and up the steps to their bathroom

"So Blake how are things really? Something about you two seems off." 

"Honestly mom I don't know how things really are. She won't talk to me much and she doesn't talk to anyone else. At first I thought it was just the stress of having the baby and him being in the NICU but she still isn't herself. I just wish all of this could have been easier, ya know, her holding out until his due date. Everything would have been easier and I don't think things would be so screwed up if she had been able to."  
                                                          ..................................................................  
Little does Blake know that Gwen had turned around thinking that maybe Blake wanted to help her and she didn't want him to think he couldn't. She knew things hadn't been great with her lately and she wanted to give him a sign she still wanted him around. As she got to the door way she heard Blake talking and basically blaming her for everything. She couldn't stay and listen anymore about how she screwed everything up. She doesn't understand how he could tell her so sincerely to her face that it wasn't her fault and then turn around and blame her behind her back. If she wasn't confused and closed off before she definitely was now. She could feel herself shutting down and what made this worse was that she couldn't stop it. She turned around without letting anyone know she had been there or heard what he said. As she made her way to their bathroom she couldn't stop the tears that fell.  
                                                                   ...................................................................  
"I throughly believe Gavin, her ex, is to blame for all of it. If he hadn't threatened her or assaulted her we wouldn't be in this situation. How is she supposed to not stress when he was mentally and physically doing all he could to get her. I'll never forgive that asshole." 

"I know your angry baby and I know things have been tough, but you have to hang in there. She will come around. She still loves you and I know you love her or you wouldn't be so upset."

"I do mom so much. Those two are my everything. I would do anything for them."

"Your a good man. I'm proud of the man you have become."  
                                                                      ........................................................  
When Gwen doesn't come back down he goes upstairs looking for her and find her asleep on the bed with King laying next to her awake. Blake doesn't want to wake her. She doesn't seem to sleep much either anymore so he carefully lifts King off the bed and heads down stairs.

"Look who I found grandma." Blake says joining his mom in the living room

"Baby boy has his baby boy. Enough to make me cry. My turn!" She says reaching her hands out to take King 

"I know he isn't biologically mine but I can't imagine possibly loving a child anymore than I love him, ya know."

"Biology doesn't matter when it comes to love and being a father. You have been there from the beginning, you were by Gwen's side when he was born, your name is on his birth certificate, and you were the one to bring him home from the hospital. You are his father and you always will be.   
                                                                               ..................................................  
Gwen wakes up a little disoriented at first but suddenly she remembers King laying with her but he is gone. Her heart sinks and fear takes over. She frantically gets up running down the wall way.

"Blake!!....Blake!!" She screams making her way down the stairs as fast as she can

"Sunshine. What's wrong?" He says running to meet her at the bottom of the stairs

"King! It's Kingston! He was with me when I laid down, but he isn't there."

"Oh sunshine, it's ok he is with my mom and I." Blake says rubbing her arms

"He's ok?"

"Yeah my mom has him right now."

"Where? I need to see him!"

Blake grabs her hand taking her into the living room, where Dot is sitting holding Kingston. 

"Gwen dear is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything is ok can I take him please."

"Of course." She says handing him to Gwen

Gwen pulls him into her chest rocking her baby. She had never experienced fear like that and tears slide down her cheeks. Blake tries to wrap Gwen in his arms, but she pulls away without acknowledging him.

"Gwen?" Blake calls out to her as she walks toward the kitchen but she doesn't stop. 

He is so frustrated. All he ever does is show her how much he loves her and lately it seems like she doesn't even care about him. The fact that she just pulled away like that in front of his mom and holding his son, ignites his blood and he can't handle it. He follows her into the kitchen. 

"Gwen what is going on?"

"I don't know Blake why don't you tell me, since you seem to know." 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know maybe the fact that you wish I had carried him full term because then things wouldn't be so off and terrible. Or how about the fact that it would have been so much easier if I just could have held out. How dare you say something like that? And to your mother of all people. I'm sure she hates me now, but was that your intention? Do you not want her to like me?"

"Gwen wha....your listened in on the conversation I was having with my mom?"

"I came back to tell you if you wanted to help you could but then I heard that and I went upstairs as fast as I could."

"Gwen you clearly didn't hear everything I said..."

"Oh cause I'm sure I would have wanted to hear more about how horrible a mother I am." Gwen says scoffing and rolling her eyes

"Now I never once said you were a horrible mom! Your putting words into my mouth now. Is this just another way for you to push me away? I feel like all I do anymore is fight to pull you close to me. What happened Gwen? What happened to us?" 

"I have gone through the most stressful month and instead of supporting me you talk bad about me to your mom. That's what happened!"

"Gwen please that's not what..."

"Stop Blake! Just stop!" She yells as King begins to cry. "You know what Blake you need to leave us alone right now. I'm going to feed him in the nursery ALONE!" Gwen interrupts him

Gwen runs from the room tears staining her face and even Blake has tears rolling down his face at this point. He just doesn't know what to do anymore.  He has to take his mom to the airport now and he leaves tomorrow. His mind is overwhelmed and he doesn't know what to do with himself. He heads into the living room to get his mom.  
                                                                       .......................................................  
"Son do you want to talk about it?" Dot asks Blake while they are in the car on the way to the airport 

"She heard part of what I was talkin to ya about. She clearly didn't listen long enough to hear me blame all of it on her ex. She thinks I blame her for having him early and having to go through all of these trails."

"Baby boy I know that's not true, you know that's not true, and deep down I think she does too. Now you have to remind her. She is going through a lot and I'm 100% sure at this point that she blames herself and she shouldn't. She isn't being fair to herself."

"How do I do that mom? How do I make her see? All I have done is tell her it's not her fault and tell her how much I love both of them. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she leaves. I'm on his birth certificate so as much as I never want to hurt her I would go for partial custody. I can't lose them both."

"Now none of that talk Blake Shelton! I raised you better than to throw in the towel and give up on something that means so much to you! It's hard right now I understand that but if you give up on her, your just as bad as he is."  
                                                                               .........................................  
Blake thought about what his mom had said before he dropped her off at the airport. He was struggling at this point. He wanted the Gwen he fell in love with back. He missed her. Unfortunately to make matters worse, he has to leave in the morning for a show in Nashville. He thinks back on his thought this morning of having Jen check on Gwen while he is gone and decides he should call her now so there is no chance of Gwen over hearing.

"Cowboy! How is my favorite nephew doing?" 

"He is good, really good. I can't believe how it's possible to love a little human so much."

"Human Blake? I think you have been hanging around Gwen to much." Jen laughs 

"Yeah I guess I have." He smirks to himself "So I was calling to ask a favor."

"Ok what's up Blake?"

"I'm flying out in the morning for my show and I won't be back until around lunch Sunday. I was wondering if you can check on Gwen and King while I'm gone?"

"Ok so you want me to either invite myself to stay with them while your gone or get Gwen to invite me to stay with them, uh?"

"It would mean a lot. It's not that I don't trust Gwen or anything but he doesn't sleep all that much and I just don't want her to have to do it by herself. We had a fight earlier so if I suggest it it's not going to be received well"

"It's ok Blake I'll figure something out."

"Thanks Jen I really owe you one!" 

"Got that right cowboy! See you when you get back!" 

Knowing Jen will be there for Gwen while he is gone at least makes him feel a little better. However it doesn't change the fact that Gwen isn't talking to him.


	6. When the unthinkable happens

Around six in the morning Blake is bending over King's bassinet placing a kiss on his forehead. He knew it was gonna be hard to leave him so soon but he didn't expect it to be this hard. Maybe it's because he and Gwen aren't really in a good place and because it's only been a week since he came home, Blake isn't sure. All he knows is he is having the hardest time he has ever had with leaving. A tear snakes down his cheek as he gives King one more kiss before looking at Gwen. He wants to wake her and kiss her goodbye but after the fight yesterday he is pretty sure she wants nothing to do with him. So instead he whispers a goodbye to her and blows a kiss her way. Walking out the front door was the hardest thing he has ever done.  
                                                            .....................................................................  
Gwen wakes to the sound of King's cry. When she rolls to her back before sitting up and getting King, she sees the bed is empty. She has a burst of fear lace through her as she realizes that Blake didn't wake her to say goodbye he just left. She lets the tears fall knowing it's her fault. Every last bit of this is her fault. She let everyone down by not holding King in longer. About that time she is pulled out of her thoughts by a small cry that meant that she was needed. The best part of this whole thing is that she now has a tiny human that will love her absolutely unconditionally. It doesn't matter what she did or what she will screw up down the road, this little guy will love her no matter because she is his mommy. Gwen gets up and spends her morning breastfeeding Kingston, eating breakfast herself, and sitting on the back porch rocking in the rocking chair that Blake had insisted they get.  She lets a few tears fall as she holds King close to her. She is pushing Blake away and she doesn't even understand why. It's her fault he didn't say goodbye. They had gone to bed without talking and she slept facing away from him. She doesn't understand her need to push him away. It only makes her more miserable. She comes back inside to fix herself something small for lunch and then makes her way up stairs to take a nap.   
                                                                        ..................................................................  
Gwen hadn't realized they had slept so long until she woke to the doorbell ringing. She grabs the video monitor off the side table as King is still sound asleep, and not really wanting to take him to answer the door when she doesn't have a clue who it could be. As she reaches the door she stands on her tip toes to peak out the peephole. She sighs seeing that it's Jen. She opens the door to her sister in law. 

"Jen what are you doing here? You scared the crap out of me. Blake's gone and I didn't know who the heck had gotten by the gate." Gwen says moving for Jen to come inside

"Sorry Gwen. I wanted a pizza and movie night and I knew if I called and asked you would say no. So I didn't call I just came." Jen says hold up bags of food and drinks. 

Gwen isn't thrilled for the surprise guest but if she is really going to try to be better she needs this. They used to do this every time Todd was out of town. They set everything up in the living room and bring down pillows and blankets. Camp out in the living room. They even bring down all of Kings diapers and such they will need, fully planning on camping in the living room all night. With both of them laying on the bed they had made in the middle of the living and Kingston laying in between them, they start the first movie.

"Hey Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk through something with you?"

"Of course you can Gwen! That's what we are here for, to help each other out."

"Blake and I had a fight yesterday." Gwen says her voice already sounding like she is going to cry

"Really? About what?" Jen asks trying to play unknowing 

"He was talking to his mom and blamed me for not be able to carry Kingston to term. He said that all the issues we have been having all are a result of him being born early."

"Gwen I'm sure you misunderstood. Blake would never blame you for that! It wasn't your fault."

"How is it not my fault though? I was the one who couldn't stay calm and relaxed which made me go into preterm labor not once but twice. If the doctors couldn't have stopped labor the first time, King wouldn't even be alive right now." Tears now rolling

She feels like all she does anymore is be mad or so sad she feels like there is no more sunshine in the world. The only thing that has brought her a sense of happiness is her son. 

"Gwen women go into preterm labor all the time and it's very rarely ever their fault."

"Yeah but it can be their fault."

"Gwen look at me. This wasn't your fault! There is nothing you could have done to have changed this. Gavin and all of his antics were the cause if there has to be one, not you!" Gwen doesn't respond not knowing what to say, but a yawn sneaks out. "Gwen go take a nap upstairs and let me worry about Kingston. If he needs to eat or anything I promise I'll come get you. You need the rest Gwen." 

Gwen debates protesting but a second yawn sneaks out and so she relents heading up stairs to nap. However her mind has other plans. Once she lays down her thoughts travel to Blake and the status of their relationship. If she keeps pushing him he could end up leaving and taking Kingston with him, he is legally his father. Or just as bad he could leave both of them, she then not only has to cope with the loss herself but Kingston would likely grow up thinking that no one wants him seeing as how both fathers he had left. Gwen lays there for who knows how long thinking through these scenarios. If she doesn't stop she is going to drive herself further into this hole.  
.................................................................  
Blake is sitting in his private plane headed to Kansas for his show tonight. Thoughts of Gwen and everything going on with her cross his mind but he has to push them out or he is going to push himself past his breaking point. Leaving had been so hard this morning. Kingston was so perfect he could hardly believe how lucky they had gotten with him. He felt guilty for leaving. He should have listened to his gut and just staid home because he is going to be miserable this entire trip. Wanting only to be back in LA with his family. Jen had agreed to send him texts to let him know how things were and to send him pictures of King as often as she could. He knew this was gonna be hard but he didn't expect to be this hung up and emotional about it. 

"Mr. Shelton did you want something to drink?" Melinda, the fly attendant, asks

"You know what? Yes I do. How about a vodka and sprite?" 

"Coming right up sir."

Blake knew he wasn't going to be around his family so why not release some of the stress and have himself a drink. Before she has time to bring him his drink, the pilot turns the seatbelt sign back on. The pilots name is Tom and Blake knows the only time Tom turns the light back on is when they are about to hit some serious turbulence. He hates this part of flying. The turbulence always makes him nervous and he finds out now he hates even more since King has been born. He has a little guy to raise that needs him. When the turbulence starts Blake scoffs assuming this was all there was to it. He is surprised as he feels the plane dip hard and bump about. 

"Everyone this turbulence is gonna get pretty rocky. There is no way around it unfortunately so we have to go through. Please stay seated and remember the safety tips that were gone over in the beginning." The pilot says over the intercom

Blake is concerned but flying as much as he had in his life time, he figures it's just the pilot being cautious. Once it starts getting worse Blake starts to worry. He has felt a lot of turbulence in his time but this is crazy. If it weren't for his seatbelt he wouldn't be in his seat anymore. He can see the look on the attendants face and she is terrified. Blake shoots Gwen a text hoping for it to go through. Suddenly he can feel the planes nose dive and a whole other level of fear hits him. This can't happen now, not when he finally has everything he ever wanted! He can hear the pilot yelling on the other side of the door "mayday mayday! I have lost the controls! I repeat mayday we are going down." The attendant has tears pour down her face. Blake can't remember to many moments in his life when he was scared but right now he is terrified. He doesn't know how Gwen would take the news. He would be leaving Kingston fatherless yet again. This isn't fair it's just not fair. 

The plane drifts lower and lower to the expanse of forest below them. Upon impact with the first trees Blake's head is bashed against the plane. Once final impact is made with the ground the plane explodes. The article will read "No survivors of a plane crash headed to Kansas. One of the greats is lost."


	7. Healing

Jenn runs upstairs and into Gwen's room, hearing terrified screams coming from her room. Jen doesn't know what's going on but it's definitely not good. When she makes it to Gwen's side tears are pouring down her face and she is beyond hysterical. Jen has never seen her like this. She doesn't know what to do, so she sits on the bed and pulls Gwen into her, wrapping her arms tightly around Gwen. She holds her like this till the screams stop and there are only tears left pouring down her face. 

"Gwen what's going on? What happened?"

Gwen then let's go of Jen and grabs for her phone franticly dialing Blake's number listening as it rings but there is no answer. She throws the phone at the wall and Jen watches as it falls in pieces to the floor. 

"He won't answer. Tell me you have heard from him! Tell me his plane made it to Kansas!" 

"Gwen what is going on? I haven't heard from Blake but I wasn't expecting to either."

"He was on his way to Kansas and ....and .....his plane crashed. It blew up. There were newspaper articles and everything." 

"Gwen you must have been dreaming. I'm sure he is ok. I would say try to call him again but I don't think your phone is working anymore." Jen tries to get a laugh out of her but only gets a small smile

"Lets go downstairs. King is down there and you can try to call him from my phone." Gwen agrees and both women make their way downstairs. 

When they enter the living room and Gwen's eyes fall on her son, she runs to him picking him up and cradling him to her chest. She takes a deep breath, breathing in his baby smell. She starts to relax some as she envelopes herself into her son. Jen hands her phone to Gwen and she dials Blake's number. Tears pour from her eyes yet again as the call goes to voicemail. 

"Gwen I'm sure he is ok. He is probably just busy."

"To busy to take a call from his fiancé or sister in law? Especially with a new baby at home? Something is wrong. It's not like him to not be there for us."

"Gwen you have to calm down. Kingston is gonna start feeding off of you. If not for yourself then trust he is ok for King."

Gwen takes a deep breath trying as hard as she can to push down her fears. She needs to do so for her son. 

"Let's watch sound of music Gwen." Jen suggests hoping to make the weight of the situation lighter for her

"Yeah let's do that. How about popcorn to? I haven't indulged in a while."

"That sounds perfect." Jen says

The settle on the makeshift bed in the living room watching the movie. They must fall asleep at some point because Gwen wakes to the cries of King. When she looks around she can see the light of sunrise starting to enter through the windows. She scoops King up to feed him before they both fall back to sleep. The next thing she wakes to is the sound of someone trying to get in the front door. Gwen shakes Jen awake not knowing who it is, as they weren't expecting Blake back until lunch time. When the door opens and the cowboy walks through, Gwen is instantly on her feet and running toward Blake. He is confused but opens his arms to her and wraps her in them as she cries into his chest. Last time they had been in the same room they weren't even talking, now she is in his arms with a death grip on him crying. 

"Gwen what's wrong? Shhhhh I'm right here sunshine." 

"I thought something happened to you. I had a dream and your plane it, it crashed and you were gone." Gwen got out before burying her face back into his chest.

"I'm right here sunshine. I'm ok. Nothing happened to me."He tells her holding her close to him making her feel secure. 

Blake looks at Jen behind Gwen, giving her a questioning look. Jen shrugs her shoulders not understanding either as to why she is so upset. Blake holds her tight until he feels her start to calm. 

"Why didn't you answer when we tried to call?"

"I'm really sorry sunshine I got there and had zero signal. I literally got right back on the plane so I could get to you guys as soon as possible."

"Next time I want us to come too. I don't want to be scared like that ever again."

"I don't have any plans to do that again soon but we will work it out next time I promise. Now where is our son? I want to see my little man." 

"He is on the blankets. We slept down here last night."

They walk over and Blake can't get over the love that radiates from him when he sees his son peacefully sleeping. He doesn't want to wake him up but he has to hold him. He needs to feel him close. As he picks him up, he starts to squirm. Blake pulls him to his chest holding him protectively in his arm. Blake breaks out in a smile when the little boy snuggles closer to his chest before falling back to sleep. Blake then wraps his other arm around Gwen who willingly joins her family.

"I'm gonna head out guys. Give you time to catch up." Jen says and the family walks her to the door.

When she is gone Blake moves his family back to the living room sitting down on the couch. He pulls Gwen with him and she still has a death grip on him. 

"Gwen you know I love you more than anything right?"

"Yeah." Gwen says quietly not know where this is going.

"The moment you can into my life my world lit up. You are my sunshine, my light in the dark world. Sunshine what's going on with you though? One minute you won't even come near me and the next your extremely affectionate. I'm just worried about you." 

"I don't know. I keep feeling myself go from hot to cold and I can't figure out why. I never want to pull away from you and it literally kills me inside but I can't stop myself from it. I know how irrational thinking a dream is real is and yet it feels so real, even still with you sitting here. I screwed everything up. It's all my fault. None of this started until I went into preterm labor." Gwen said pulling away from him now

"No. No way." Blake says pulling her back to him. "Your not pulling away again Gwen. We need you. King and I both need you." 

This is what sends the tears rolling down her face as she buries her face in his chest. She needs them too, more than anything. 

"I love you Blake."

"I love you too sunshine." 

They sit there for a few minutes holding each other. This is heaven for Blake. He is sitting here holding his family. It was still so hard for him to believe this was his family. He was one lucky man. 

"Gwen would you want to go see a doctor and see if they can help with everything? I really think it would be good for you. I hate seeing you upset all the time."

"Yeah, I don't want to but I need to at this point. I don't want to end up losing you two over this. I love you to much."

"Hey no one is going anywhere ok? Your NOT gonna lose me." 

She smiles up at him and settles back into his side. The fear, the sadness, the self doubt are all there but she forces them down for the moment needing this. Needing Blake to hold her.   
                                                                  ...........................................................  
"Hey sunshine you almost ready?" Blake asks as Gwen was finishing up her makeup. 

"Yeah I'm almost done. I'll be down in a minute." 

"Ok sunshine. You look beautiful with out the makeup to ya know." 

Gwen just smiled at Blake through mirror and she continued to put the finishing touches of her makeup. It had been a week since she had gone to the doctor. It had been a week since the doctor put a name to her mood swings. Postpartum depression. He had started her on medicine after going over multiple time that it was safe to breastfeed still. He had also suggested having her see a therapist once a week. She hadn't liked the idea but she needed to do this. Since then she had been doing amazing and Blake was happy to have his Gwen back. The sparkle had returned to her eyes and although she was still protective of King as any mother would be she had decided to take a big step toward normalcy and got out for date night while her mom and sister-in-law watch King. Blake could tell she had been struggling with leaving him tonight but she was not going to let the fears control her anymore. When Gwen came down in the most form fitting dress Blake thought he was going to have a heart attack. 

"Gwen you look....you look stunning." 

"Thanks" She said blushing and look at the floor

Blake walks up to her placing his hand under her chin and pulling it up until she met his eye. 

"Man I want to kiss you right now but I don't want to ruin your lip stick and walk around looking like I have it on too. Plus I don't know that I would have the control to stop." He said before bending down and placing a feather light kiss on the very corner of her mouth avoiding the lipstick exchange 

Gwen had written Kingston's schedule down for her mom and Jen. She made sure to go over it with them. She also had pumped bottles for them so all they had to do was warm them up, which she also went over how to do with them.

Gwen was fighting to hold on to her emotions right now because all she wanted to do was cancel dinner and sit and hold King for the rest of the night. She knows she can't. She needs to do this. She needs to do this for herself as well as for her fiancé and son. So instead of giving into the anxiety and fear she takes Blake's hand and lets him lead her outside to the car. 

"You doing ok sunshine?"

"Yeah I'm good Blake." She says not wanting him to worry

"Gwen you know I can see the fear in your eyes. Don't pull away from me. Let me be here for you." Blake says

"I'm sorry Blake. I'm just really having a hard time leaving him. My rational brain knows that he is going to be ok and my fear is dumb but I just can't help but feel it." Gwen says sitting in the passenger seat with her legs hanging out of the car and Blake in-between them. 

"Gwen don't be sorry I know this is hard for you and I'm really proud of you for pushing yourself to do this. But Gwen I need you to promise me that if you get to overwhelmed or to upset, you will tell me. I don't want you to push yourself to a breaking point."

"I promise Blake." She says wrapping her arms around his waist   
                                                             ......................................................................  
They make it to the restaurant and Blake helps Gwen out of the car. She instantly holds onto his arm as the head inside after giving the valet his keys. The are seated at a booth but Gwen pulls Blake into the same side as her. He doesn't saying anything, he is relieved that she wants him this close. They stay cuddled together throughout the meal, teasing each other and sneaking as many kisses as the could being in public.

"I missed you." As soon as it slips through his lips he regrets it 

He is scared this is going to push her away or offend her and they will slide backwards just when they made progress.

"I'm sorry I went away for a little, but I promise I will do everything I can to stay forever." She says placing her hand on his cheek before pulling him in for a kiss. This kiss is very different from the flirty kisses that had been sharing throughout dinner. This kiss was full on love and devotion. 

They finished their dinner much like it had started, enjoying each other and sneaking all the kisses they could. While they wait for the valet to bring their car around for them Gwen cuddles into Blake's side. Blake with his arm protectively around her, he could feel her shiver. So he started to pull away causing Gwen to hold tighter.

"Hey I just want to give you my jacket sunshine your cold." He tells her before she pulls away allowing him to give her his jacket. 

Once the valet brings their car, Blake helps Gwen in and moves around to the other side getting in himself. They drive to the house holding hands the whole way. Blake smiles to Gwen and himself. This is the Gwen he knew. The one that he was so in love with and the one that was so obsessed with him she needed constant contact with him.   
                                                                      ...................................................................  
When they got home Gwen couldn't wait for Blake to come around and get her door, she needed to get to her son. She had done amazing throughout dinner not really stressing all that much about leaving him but now, now she needed her son in her arms. She practically runs inside and to the living room. When she comes into the living she sees her son in her moms arms tears welled into her eyes. 

"Sweetheart your home. Someone has missed you!" 

"Is he ok?" Gwen says alarmed thinking something happened

"Yes He is perfectly ok! I didn't mean to scare you."

"Thank you for taking care of him Pattie." Blake joins

"Can I have him please?" Gwen says stretching her arms out for her son

"Of course." Pattie says handing her grandson over 

Gwen pulls their son into her chest loving the feel of him in her arms and the baby smell. Blake comes up and pulls Gwen into him placing his hand under hers that's holding their son. They all move to sit down and Blake pulls Gwen into his lap needing to hold his family close. 

"How did things go tonight?" Jenn asks cautiously 

"It went really well. I missed being able to spend time with Blake, like just the two of us." Gwen said looking at Blake and smiling 

"I was a pretty amazing night." He says smiling back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn’t think we would actually kill Blake did you?


	8. Showing him off

It had been a week since Gwen and Blake had gone out for date night and Gwen was doing really well. She was going to her therapy sessions twice a week and said the therapist had talked about only needing one day a week soon. They couldn't be happier. Today they were loading the plane up and heading to Oklahoma for a week. Only Blake's mom had meet King and it had been a while since even she had seen him. King was now two months old, which means he still wasn't the full gestational age yet, however his pediatrician gave him the all clear to fly just saying that it would be best to feed him during takeoff and landing. Gwen was slightly nervous about the flight and King being so little but she push through. When they sat down in the plane she had made sure she sat as close to Blake as the seatbelts would allow. Feeling him helped her control the feelings of fear. Blake could see the fight going on inside of Gwen and when she plastered herself to him, he stretched his arm around her pulling her even closer.

"Sunshine you doing ok?"

"Yeah just a little bit scared but I'll be ok."

"There nothing to be scared of sunshine he is ok to fly remember?"

"I know. He is just still so little and the hospital isn't exactly close to the ranch if we were to need one for him."

"Gwen he is very healthy and getting stronger everyday. He is gonna be ok I promise."   
                                                                ............................................................  
Gwen took a breath when the helicopter landed in the ranches back yard. Finally she could relax as they all made it safe. When they stepped out of the helicopter Gwen saw Dot on the porch looking like she was about to run to them. When they made their way toward Dot she seemed to not be able to take it and she began walking toward them. 

"Where is my grandson? I am ready to spoil him!" Dot says

"Say right here Grammy." Gwen says

Dot hesitates taking him from Gwen, but she gives her a smile and Dot takes him into her arms. 

"Oh my has he gotten cuter? I didn't think it was possible and now he has." Dot says soaking in her grandson

"Well hey mom I love you to. Missed ya." Blake says sarcastically, he really doesn't mind. He actually likes to see this, it's what he had always pictured. 

"Y'all are coming to dinner with everyone tonight right?" Dot asks finally taking her eyes off King

"Yeah, that's the plan." Blake answers

"Good! Well I'll give you guys a chance to get settled and see ya at my place for dinner." Dot says handing King back to Gwen

Gwen needs a nap being so tense and fearful all day had made her tired. King was starting to get fussy because he was hungry. 

"Blake babe. I'm gonna head up to our room, feed King, and take a nap."

"Ok sunshine. I want to get check on all the animals and such. I'll be back before you wake up."

"Ok sounds good." Blake turned to head off toward the barn but Gwen's voice stopped him. "Cowboy! Where is my kiss? Are you really gonna walk away?" 

"Damn pretty girl. I will never give up the chance to kiss you and show you how much I love you." Blake says still not quite back into the normal swing of things since Gwen is better now. He was still used to the Gwen who didn't like or want that kind of contact with him all the time.   
...............................................  
Blake and Gwen were in the truck on the way to Dots house for dinner. Everyone was gonna be there to see King and if Gwen is being honest she is struggling a little bit with the amount of people who are going to want to hold him. 

"Hey your kinda quiet over there. Wanna talk about it?" 

"There is going to be a lot of people there tonight. A lot of people who are gonna want to hold him. As much as the medicine and therapy has helped, I still get nervous." Gwen says looking at her lap having a hard time admitting her fear.

"Yeah there is. If you get to the point where you need to take him and step away for a minute, that's ok Gwen. I don't want you pushing yourself to far. So if you start to get overwhelmed or you feel yourself getting upset, at least tell me if not ask to have him back and go to a room by yourself for a few minutes ok? Promise me."

"Ok I will. I promise."   
                                          ....................................................  
Gwen can feel herself start to lose control. She hasn't held King since they got here an hour ago. She had done so well keeping her fear and anxiety under check but she is now starting to lose the battle. Blake can see the fear start creep into her eyes and he notices the change in her posture. He makes his way over to her and wraps his arms around her. She rests back against him trying to use his presence and contact to ground her, a technique they had suggested in therapy. It works some but it's eating at her. She just wants a few minutes with him, but she doesn't want to give in to the fear either. That being something else she has learned in therapy. She toughs it out for another thirty minutes by making Blake stay with her, having some kind of physical contact with him, but at the end of that thirty minutes she can't handle it anymore she has to hold him and make sure he is safe if only for a few minutes. Blake's aunt Betty was currently the one holding King. Gwen broke the contact with Blake and made her way over to Betty. Blake knew she had lost the battle at that point but was extremely proud of her for trying so hard and doing so well. 

"Betty?" Gwen said trying to get the older woman's attention. "I need to change Kings diaper if you don't mind handing him back to me for a few minutes."

"Oh darlin I can change him for you so you can have a break. Just get me his things." Betty says 

"I really appreciate the offer but I would like to take him somewhere private I also want to see if he needs to eat." Gwen said bending down to take him, not waiting for the woman to give him over. 

She broke when Blake's aunt wouldn't give him back. She all but ran to the steps and up them, but not without Blake and Dot noticing the tears running down her face. Blake starts to head up after her but he is stopped by a hand on his arm. 

"Let me." Dot says 

Blake doesn't know how this is gonna go but he decides to let his mom go, because let's face it she is always right.   
                                                                 .............................................................  
Dot climbs the stairs and finds Gwen in Blake's old room. She knew they had put all the baby stuff they brought over in there. She walks into the door way to find Gwen on Blake's twin bed leaning against the wall, tears still rolling down her cheeks while she feeds King.

"Can I join you?" Gwen's head snaps up and she sees Dot standing there

"Yeah." Gwen says quietly

"Having a hard time?" This time Gwen didn't even answer she just shook her head not wanting to break completely down in front of her fiancé's mom. "That's nothing to be ashamed of, you know that right?"

"But it's my fault I get scared and freak out."

"Do you want to be scared and freak out?"

"No I want to be my normal self."

"Then it's not something you can help. If you could you wouldn't be doing it. As for normal, Gwen there is no normal. You know I struggled with the exact same thing you are struggling with?" Gwen shook her head no but Dot could tell she definitely had gotten her attention. "I did. At the beginning I didn't even want Blake's dad to hold him. I would hover over him while he was holding Blake and it would make him so upset because he thought I didn't trust him with his own son. It got to the point that like you I had to go on medicine for a little while and go talk to someone. So please don't beat yourself up and don't stop fighting to get your old self completely back. You will get there I promise."

"I finally got to where I don't feel like that when Blake holds him. I felt so guilty about that. The man I love, his father, I didn't even trust to hold him. I felt like a bad mom."

"I felt like that to but you have to trust me it's not your fault and your not the only one to ever deal with this. If you ever need an understanding ear know I'm here for you Gwen. You have brought my son back to life. I have never seen him so happy, like he was when he was introducing everyone to King. He was so proud." 

"He was. I'm just glad we could do this together. He saved both King and I. I don't know where we would be if it weren't for him. Who knows what my ex would have done? Or if I would have had the strength to get help? So many things could have gone so bad without Blake."

"That's why you were meant to be."   
                                                            ...............................................................  
Gwen sits in the passenger seat and she can tell Blake is struggling to keep his composure. Dirt flies up leaving a cloud of dust in their wake. Gwen reaches across the console and takes his hand. He briefly looks at her and gives her a smile that could make her cry. He is so sad and she wonders why he wants to come out here and make himself go through this right now if he doesn't have to. Regardless she is going to be here and support him through this. 

As the make their way into the cemetery they weave through head stones he never lets go of her hand. Blake comes to a stop and just sits there holding onto the steering wheel and Gwen's hand. Gwen doesn't rush him, she just sits there with him holding his hand and letting him know she is there for him. Eventually Blake works up the ability to let go of her hand and gets out of the truck. He moves to the back and gets King out of his car seat and carries him around the car to Gwen. He takes her hand in his and holds King with the other. They walk up to two headstones that Gwen sees are his dad and brother's. Blake swallows hard and Gwen knows that's his way of trying to keep his emotions under control. 

"He drank a lot and wasn't the husband he should've been, but he's my dad ya know. Gwen I promise you and Kingston that I'm gonna do everything I can to be the best husband and father I can be. Your my world and I don't ever want to lose you." 

" You already are Blake and your never gonna lose me." She said as she leaned up on her tip toes to place her lips on his. 

"I wish Richie were here to see Kingston ya know. He would have been the best uncle. He was a damn good brother. I just hope he is proud of me."

"I know for a fact he is proud of you. I'm proud of you too. I'm gonna go back to the car and give you a minute. I love you."

"I love you too sunshine." 

Blake turned back to look at his dad and brother's headstones.

"Well dad, Richie it happened. I got the family I always wanted. I wish you were here to see your grandson and nephew. You would have loved him and his mom. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky, ya know, and then I remember you and Richie aren't here. It feels like I shouldn't ever be this happy. Gwen is my everything and I couldn't have asked for a better woman to have stand beside me. It's just hard not having ya'll here. I miss you like a crazy person." Blake said wiping a stray tear off his face before heading back to the car, securing King in his seat. Once he sat down in the drivers seat he turns to look at Gwen, who is looking at him with a look of love mixed with concern. 

"Thank you Gwen." 

"For what babe?"

"For everything. For letting me be apart of your life. For loving me. For letting me be Kings dad. For coming here with me. Just thank you." 

"Blake you never have to thank me. You save us! Who knows where we would be without you. We love you so much!"

"We saved each other." Blake said before leaning in to kiss her.


End file.
